We victims should stick together and not pit males against females. Your first paragraph described my soon to-be-ex narc perfectly! She felt the same. My N left me for her boss. A part of me is disgusted by him, and a part of me is fascinated by the mirroring and gas lighting. Turning his family on me . But be aware of the specially predatory religious narcissist. Thanks Kim for sharing the hoovering video. He just was gone at a time i was in Holland with my mom she has cancer. When I was down in the dumps with a reduced income she kicked me to the curb and then kicked me a few times. Narcs cant hide their true selves for long. I wanted him to get better. It feels like love, but its really our body and mind withdrawing from the chemical addiction of the craziness and the brainwashing. I suppose it also really bummed me out that whenever she would walk away, I would play chicken with her to see if she would come back before I would. You dont owe him anything. They always have to keep that web in the background intact, and youre a part of it now. Dont settle for scraps when there are people out there who love you just the way you are and want to be with you through good and bad. Sad, but true. And Its just not coming out the way it did before. Her mum and split when her mum had an affair and left. Often, in the process of self-discovery, we learn enough about ourselves to stop attracting and/or desiring people who are black holes. I suppose the mindset of the Narcissist is that youll miss them so much, youll forget about what they did or said to you. Sorry this is so long, but you all know how complicated these relationships are to explain. Sex was punishment because i put him out . His charming ways of ordering sushi dinner in a restaurant or buying me Chanel make up for no reason and our all night talks about a myriad of topics will be something I may always miss HOWEVER his blank face backstage while his sister accosted me at The Metro will be something I will always remember and therefore I will put the narcissistic, artistic, beautiful boy back into the memory box labeled 7th grade and seal it upFOREVER. Has a woman ever had you in fear for your life and the life of your children purely by her brute strength? I was surprised to learn these things about myself because I always thought that I had a healthy love for myself. Someone took away his lollipop and there is hell to pay. That comment really rubs me the wrong way. One of the reasons why they zero in on those with battered self esteem. Pfffft, again masking, trying to show me he has moved on and how me asking him to leave has not affected him. He still sees me as his best friend. I cannot believe I just am getting it now . And they then have the audacity to comment that you have caused irreparable damage during the relationship! You just cant have a Logical Conversation with nor Reason with a toddler. Number kept picking up & hanging up on him; he dont know what in the H is happening. Like what was said above, men are generally taught to remain strong and cover their feelings more often, which is why men dont post as much. Even if they treated you horrifically at the end or you told them never to contact you, there is a possibility they might return. He is a tortured soul. Three weeks ago, we had a huge fight, which turned physical. Very difficult, but worthwhile. It was within a few short weeks after that I was cut out of her life. I have no interest. He sat behind me in math and gazed at me always. The stories..smh.. http://anupturnedsoul.wordpress.com/2013/10/24/how-to-play-the-narcissists-game/#comments. I read somewhere if they agreed to help, it would take over 10 years to truly fix, but because they think they are God or better than everyone else, they dont continue the sessions and the cycle continues. The cycle begins again. These Narcs hold power over you only if you let them. Weeks before she blocked me, she exclaimed that I was such an AMAZING friend, and I have the biggest, most caring heart of anyone she knows. He knew what he was doing and he did it again. Having trust issues, no friends. If everything happens for a reason (still not sure on that :/) then perhaps he came into my life to show me why its so important to work on my self esteem and how I treat myself. She has control of me Im a copper too! I WANNA BE ME AGAINIVE LOST THAT PART OF ME IM SAD TOO SAD ALL THE TIME I CANT GO FORWARD NMW I DO. Try to research on thisNPD is included in BPD, if its a Psychopathic BPD. I know what that feels like. I guess since I saw thru the illusion he saw no need to keep her around. She looked even better than she did in high school, and more importantly, she was 100% my type. I cant imagine living an entire life with no escape or if I tried being brought to submission or outcast from family and friends. Things were moving way too fast and that was mainly my fault. The reason I feel he is classic Narc is the grandiosity, fear of intimacy, lack of empathy, and behaviors he exhibited like gaslighting, triangulating, crazymaking. Im starting to wonder if maybe a conversation needs to be had to either reaffirm my decision, give him an opportunity to show his humanity, I dont know. Thats the tough part. Hi Kim ,Ive been with my narcissist for seventeen years two teenagers I have sole custody ,had order of protection ,domestic violence center never helped me I just lost all my marital assets in divorce settlement ,plus I have to pay him off a lot of money that I dont have he just got a huge settlement from his personal injury case ,can you explain to me why the court let the narcissist to get away with all the lies ,I almost lost my custody because I asked for more child support, Im so disappointed with the court system for the last four years Ive been calling all the possible organizations for help all I heard we cant help you you have to hire a lawyer and I did so my ex called my lawyer even when he had his own my question is how bad you have to be hurt by a narcissist to get help from the system, I work part time and I have to pay off a soon to be a millionaire. He then sulked and went silent and told me I was making a big mistake. So if your narcissistic ex-partner calls threatening to take their life, theyre more than likely pulling your bluff in hopes that youll feel so sorry for them and be so worried that theyll actually do it, you come running back. We separated for 7 months and he befriended a woman I later found out he was spending tiime with her at her home. -A memory loss as to the actual happenings being discussed Wrote to me that he missed me and then I told him never contact me and he sent me a nasty email trying to bring me down. Perhaps you hadnt heard from them in ages, and suddenly the narcissist comes back after months? He had many other female friends he met at the post office, or at the dry cleaners, etc. I filed police report the day I kicked him out. I expressed my discomfort, and he got very upset and said I was being crazy, she was his friend. I mean that. Thats when there is an new born woman in me. Dont buy it. I didnt respond; I wanted to throw up! So we talked. He said it was work related. I had the good fortune to meet someone shortly after my final break up. Not reliable. I think disordered women make far better/effective liars then men in general, so the pain can be even worse for a male victim. Borderline is distinct from Narcissism. Dont sue someone who can prove you had an relationship. So, Im not delusional. I do have him blocked. Your writings have helped me so much, and I am grateful, Theres really only one way to know when a narcissist is finished with you: when you decide they are., The next best thing is to make it so theres no reason for him or her to ever contact you because there wouldnt ever be anything to gain.. She says she told him as far as I know shes still living there. I caught him once again lying about a girl and still does. What do you think his next move will be. Then he hated me and even hit me twice and choked me once. She would constantly tell me how highly she speaks of me to him. In either case, no response is needed from you. These can include: 1. I kept going back to my feelings and not seeing the reality of what happened to me. Doing my research I found him on numerous dating sites. And maybe more so as they might be subjected to childhood trauma for being devalued as effeminate, and because men can more eerily reflect back the narcs ultimate self-love they are seeking (as the love letter above captures well). btw he too found out about their affair later, after he was deported. I heard he is hurt (really?). That judge has no clue the abuse and the wreckage that woman had done to me! I was scared, i became sick, lost a lot of my hair and quickly fell away from all social contact with anyone. 4. She sees that we only deal with him when we have to and even then he is difficult. He fell in love with her in a month or so, just like he did with the past woman and his first marriage and when it happened with me. Thanks for stopping by and sharing. I love being your answer. Cameron was a friend and we were introduced via a mutual friend. And is now in the begin fase of that other one both very happy. Any advice would help. He begged for me to talk to him and not loose hope, promised it would never happen again and I ignored him. Just remember, the average person leaves their emotional/physical abuser 7 times before actually fulling walking out on them! I am in no contact since four months. Unbelievalble. Today, he showed up at my front door. AMONGST 14 OTHER PPL. Required fields are marked *. A lot of online communities are throwing around the term narcissist but they dont really make an effort to separate it into its appropriate clinical category. When I wouldnt walk away from the church I was the evil one and incompetent. He is cluster B. also they robbed me financially. Which is dumb, but I still find myself wondering. I wouldnt say he destroyed my faith in love, but he definitely shook it and Im even a more guarded gay man now (as if so many of us arent guarded and insecure enough). Vincent Cassel: 'Every time a man does something wrong now, he's a pervert manipulator narcissist' The French star of 'La Haine' and 'Irrversible' speaks to James Mottram about . U have been dating a narcissist for 18 years and been married to him for 10 years before he left me and his adlut kids for someone new and i am in therpy now and want to heal but i cant get him to divorce me so heal and move on nowing i dont have the means to get rid of him and he has recently has job saying hedoesnt work there so he doesnt have to put on his health insurance.and this way he just keep living this lie he not married and lies about how kids he has and he has no contact with or me he says were his past but wont divorce me to be the past.so mw and kids can move.is there a reason for this? My point is for me six months silence and those kinds of insults mean you must despise me and want nothing to do with me because you think Im such a horrible individual. Anonymous, I find what you said to be quite unfair. The narcissist draws you in close, then does an about-face, and begins to withdraw and verbally abuse you. I forget everything. Nign mounths for you is very long time. [Read: 7 Reasons Why Narcissists Wont Give You Closure]. They are very good at deflecting it back on you. If Im so horrible then why are you curious about me? This is a tricky one and maybe Kim could help you. Are you stuck in the back-and-forth of trying to go No Contact for good? He even gave me advice and a shoulder to cry on when I was dealing with issues with my mom. I felt like I was a character in my own plot-twist movie. The relationship with the Narc causes a biochemical addiction, in addition to the brainwashing of our psyche. You have been through it. Takes full responsibility. He saw my strong, independent nature as a threat..that I would leave him. Hes totally using her for her fame because shes good at what he wants to be good at. Ive stopped for the most part questioning why understanding an N is like the Borg in Startrek no thought no feeling. Yes, I was addicted to the loving feeling, but Ive dealt with that and I have confronted myself, examining why I ignored red flags and boundary issues I didnt know I had. Narcissists love dating empaths because they can tap into their sea of emotions. Try relaxing music. I caution all men that it is fun to have a beauty on your arm but at what cost. He will never let me talk badly about myself ie if I say something about my part in our break up. Im convinced. Its just not fair. I told her it is what it is That person may reach out to the narcissist, puzzled, to find out what happened. It is sooo very difficult to stay stuck on the NO CONTACT button. Worked for me when I wasnt even trying. cant block so i guess i will filter his msgs to trash. I understand where youre coming from, but the frustrating truth is that each time you reach out to him it gives him validation that he is still on your mind and he derives great enjoyment from having the opportunity to tell you that its over. Once you can accept this truth, that they will not change for all the love in the world then you are on your way. Now that was somethingIf I ever had doubts about him, I dont have them anymore. You will get stronger and you will find real love enjoy self love, enjoy the freedom most of all that you no longer have to second guess, have blame deflected on you, you no longer feel worthless because they cant set any of these feelings upon you again. Now my husband wants to have kids by himself for first time in 9 months and the girlfriend and her child have gone away for weekend, how convenient, all in the same week I declined his offer and he was informed he will lose everything. [Read:6 Things That Explain Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships]. The reason I am bringing it up here IS NOT TO DISCARD ANYTHING ELSE, BY NO MEANS, IN FACT ILL ASK YOUR OPINION IN OTHER POSTS. After all he loved the idea of you, complimenting his life he never loved you for you. Thanks for another good post, Kim. -Physical aggression which ultimately is the partners fault for antagonizing Like my father was. One of the reasons they get away with so much abuse is that the makeup of sex is always mind-blowing. Even if we found the strength to leave, we could feel a lack of resolve because they have had so much control in the past, we dont trust ourselves anymore. Third, they like having more than one source of supply because when they get bored with one, theyll just start a fight and then go off with the other for a while. However, what is very convincing to me is HIS COMPLETE DISMISSAL OF SUBCONCIOUS/UNCONCIOUS, AS AN EXPLONATORY TOOL FOR BEHAVIOUR OF THESE CHARACTERS. Start standing up for your personal space and comfort. Typically, people who seek professional help do so because they have a level of self-awareness thats given them insight into their mental and emotional state. The last four years together ( out of 8 ) were hell! I finish my call then I text himyes?. Im trying hard to remain civil here, I wish there were a way to warn young adults against these predators. He was livid and proceeded to tell me he was done, thats it etc. The mind fuckery The future faking The list is endless. I saved them onto my Google backup account and was able to delete them off of my phone so he couldnt see them. I always felt ashamed when we went out because theyd just throw on anything.. -Kristen. Your child will be of value to the narcissistic father after divorce until they begin to age and start pulling away. He began finding hobbies and interests that would allow him to escape from the home, friends would call for help and there he would run. Then, she blocks me. I just hope this doesnt turn out to me a disaster. She was never happy. He recently was fired from his bar-tending job and had to crawl back to his old one and now will be asking Do you want white rice or pork fried rice with your Mongolian Beef as a waiter because he got DE-moated and is no longer working the bar. Seems to me it was a lie to keep the door open and to justify his sick advances. I need to regain myself esteem, stop thinking everything i do is for her, never good enough ext. What do you think? He was an attentive, passionate lover. 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