Oh! "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up comedians since the vaudeville era. Where's my hat? [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! So if you would be just so kind. Both of you, go ahead. Aristocats are never found inalley ways or hanging around. [Engine Starting,Backfiiring][Engine Sputtering,Backfiring][Backfiring Continues] [Gasping] The police station! Let'sget back into the basket, all of us! He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Gilbert Gottfried: A lot of you are probably saying "Wait, wait, wait. The Magic Oracle: Follow the trail of the Forty Thieves. Mark Elliott: This summer, live the adventure. Duchess: Yes. That is not kind of you. [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. Are you sure we can'tget home tonight? Now, you want to grow up to be lovely,charming ladies and gentlemen. You don't suppose--. The 500 Greatest Songs of All Time STANDS4 LLC, 2023. [A cat drops a bale of hay onto Edgar. Napoleon: Mm-mm. John Leader: Now, that movie can be part of your family's collection of grand Disney animated classics. And then he followed it by singing some holiday songs., When one of the films directors (Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza) ask him if he has any parting words, Gottfried says, I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important.. [offscreen]Berlioz, here we are. O'Malley: Hey there, bud! Ow! Robbers! Very good. Last oneup the stairs is a nincompoop. I mean it's surprising they haven't that they're not all in jail! [ Laughing ]. [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! Duchess: Oh. O'Malley: Well, now, uh--What I meant-- You see, l--. Edgar Balthazar: What the?! Get out! Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. While Madame and Georges are asleep. The stormwill soon pass. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet. Art treasures,jewels and--. And just as he gave life to "Cinderella" and "Pinocchio". [Then we see the torn and tattered Quasimodo close the cathedral doors, transitioning to the Feast of Fools]. Web- The "Aristocrats." I say, that's not at all bad. Phoebus: She's very lucky to have a friend like you. I'm still tryin'to get to SHORE! A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. O'Malley: Well, that's a long way off,so we better get moving. Upward and onward! They show aristocatic bearing. Let's getout of here. Millions. Naturellement! This is a family who are raping their own children, and performing bestiality! Why? And he's like, "It's not a f***in' prop act, is it?". WebUntil gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. O'Malley: No trouble at all,little princess. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now don't move. You're justher house pets. We're on our way to Paris. Here, kitty, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Oh, are you all right? Good. Amelia: No! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Now, tut-tut, Edgar. Mangy tramps! Sir? They're eating dinner, and they just finish, and their maid comes in and she clears the plates. Well, there it is. I never would have guessed. O'Malley: All right, step lively! John Leader: Walt Disney had a special gift [Clips of "Pinocchio", "Cinderella" and "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" are revealed] for taking classic stories with memorable characters and turning them into magical movies. O'Malley: "Basted"? Tsk! Huh? On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. Thank goodness you're safe! Scat Cat: [ Trumpet Blaring ][ Laughing ]Well, looky here. [offscreen]Swing on down here, Daddy. Please,you must stop that. South Park Archives is a FANDOM TV Community. Complete with incredible thrills Sargent: Alright, men. Now, now, Berlioz. More details are available in the progress report. O'Malley: Duchess and kittens in trouble? Oh, no. Waldo's our uncle. [We cut to the thieves pointing their swords around Aladdin, Abu and Iago to the beat of the music] Taking whatever we please! Amelia: Yes, that's a question. Doug stanhope's variation of the aristocrats joke. Now, Marie's the caboose. That feels good,Lafayette. That was very nice of you. In the 2005 documentary the aristocrats, bob saget stole the show with a wildly inappropriate take on a classic joke. Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. You have ', Earlier in the clip, Gottfried joked that he first heard the joke told by wholesome Fifties crooner Pat Boone. Abigail: A roue. This family, mother, father, four kids. An amazing three-dimensional adventure. You know. 0:55. So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." [Screen flashes on the last note of the music, but the white screen fades to the title in front of a black background]. The father bends the kid over the guy's desk and starts taking him from behind, which isn't right. Now, this isno time for fun and games. Berlioz: Yeah, man. [offscreen]His eyes are too close together. 2005. Fisherman's luck. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. 0. Hiya, chicks. I-- I couldnever leave her. Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. [Gasping][Laughing] It's only a tree. They're too cutesy." It's a totally different show. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. The That's good. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, indeed I do. 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. Duchess:[offscreen]His name is O'Malley. Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. Why didnt he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants and saying, This is totally wrong. I've only got one. [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! He eats stuff off her face. Here I come! O'Malley: It sure was,and what a finale. Alright? Dig thesefancy wigwams. Hey, Lafayette. Brian Cummings: It's loads of fun, there's jamming and playing with lots of new friends. What a classyneighborhood. [Tearing]Oh drat! Duchess: Oh, I'm delightedto meet you, Monsieur Scat Cat. [Screaming]Yeow! We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." Duchess: Marie! Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. And they have two children, Betsy and Timmy. (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. Will. Abigail & Amelia: [ Laughing ] [offscreen]That's stick together. You know, they make the morningradiant and light. [gasps] Not me! Oh, they'll need help. [Huffing]. [Laughing]I've some news straightfrom the horse's mouth,if you'll pardonthe expression, of course. Cassim: You don't stand a chance against the King of Thieves. Kyle: [after Cartman finishes the joke] I don't get it. Duchess: Oh! Why, I'll, I'll eatmy hat if they-- My hat! A family walks in to Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Because with usshe never felt alone. Sorry, it was half And that's the act. "The Aristocrats Quotes." Why, you won't believewhat they tried to doto your poor old Uncle Waldo! So much likeour own dear England. Boy: We drive and drive and drive some more. He bit my finger! O'Malley: [Gasping]Alrighty, whatever. Bob Saget: There's my friend Paul and right now I'm looking at his dinger. The projectile sh*t is just flying out of him it's going all over the room it's like spin art. He's got a very huge wiener. We're on holiday. Shun Gon: Shanghai, Hong Kong, egg foo young[ Laughing ]Fortune cookiealways wrongThat a hot one! We want to hear it. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. (2x) But I think we shouldget on with the will. Don't shush yourold Uncle Waldo! We're doing our best to make sure our content is useful, accurate and safe.If by any chance you spot an inappropriate comment while navigating through our website please use this form to let us know, and we'll take care of it shortly. Rita Rudner: Where did these people find employment? Maybe it would come out right now as an Where are you? That'll be turning it on. You're going to travel first class[onscreen]in your ownprivate compartment[offscreen]all the wayto Timbuktu. That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! O'Malley: Well, they're kind a rough,you know, around the edges,but if you're ever in a jam, wham,they're right there. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. Whoa! Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. [Dives off the bedpost and bounces off the ball with his helmet]. Oh, ooh, ooh! Come on! So the piano player starts to play. Whew! O'Malley: Duchess, this isthe greatest cat of'em all: Scat Cat. 7:01. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. Oh. Hey! I'm afraid it was justthe imagination of an old lady. Duchess: Oh, no! Edgar Balthazar: [Shoes Squeaking] If I were those mongrels, where would I find my stuff? Prev Marie: Oh! Georges Hautecourt: Let go of my cane, man! Roquefort: I've got to find him. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Yes, yes, of course,but you know what to do. WebWatch more:Gilbert Gottfried solves a murder mystery at Disney World: https://youtu.be/URuNJvtlGT0Gilbert Gottfrieds Dead Pet Turtle: That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. The aristocrats is a terminal movie. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. Oh! Amelia: You will never learn to swim properlywith that willow branch in your mouth. Now, please, darling, settle down,and play meyour pretty little song. What is the Jawi script exactly and why did they stop using it in from www.quora.com. Startmentioning name, rodent. I'm the only cat of my kind. Ooh. Bakin' Bacon with Macon Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. Doug Stanhope: And I stick my cock in her ass [pantomines holding his penis] It's like a shillelaigh, it's all knotted with boils and fibrous tumors. Thief #1: [sings] Have lots of grubs to share! Oh, I meanyour pad. Kittens? Look out for Edgar! Oh, gracious! [Roquefort runs to the trunk and works on the combination lock. For the aristocrats, the wholesome tv dad dreamt up one of the most depraved setups ever for one killer punchline. Roquefort: Oh, thank you. Please,let me explain. Duchess:Oh, darling, if,if only I could. Hey, now the squeakin'has stopped. I've had all the help I can take. I almost fell. If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it. I had the most horribledream about them. The aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Genie: [sings] They're eventually getting married! Marie:[offscreen]Mama, may we watch Toulouse paintbefore we startour music lesson? Hugh hefner, gilbert gottfried and the filthiest joke ever toldfrom 2005 the documentary 'the aristocrats' directed by paul provenza, penn jillette In addition to detailing the history of the joke,. He's just helping us to get to--. I am really in a great deal of trouble. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. It was a little oldcricket bug. I've never seen you three here before. It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. [Clears Throat,Muttering]Aha. O'Malley pushes the pitchfork off with his hind feet, freeing himself. I know it's Georges. Where are you? You see, my mistress, shewill beso worried about us. Release date Darling, why, that--Why, that's ridiculous. Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:[Madame]Of course we will. He could have arms like Popeye. And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! We gotta split! Don't worry. I mean, oh, each cat will liveabout 12 years. Will you hold on, please! Elevators arefor old people. And for goodness sakes,do be careful! Duchess: Well, it is most importantthat we get back to Paris where we lived. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: There now, Duchess. Roquefort: Oh, please! The details of the joke change with every telling (and We British liketo keep things proper. [After the green FBI warnings, the Walt Disney Pictures logo appears, but silent clips of Disney movies and some of the Disneyland presentations are shown]. But it's really nice to have introductions. You can put people to death for what goes on in the best versions of this joke! Send us a tip using our anonymous form. A family walks in to a talent agency. WebThis 19th-century aristocrat was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune. [to Roquefort] Strike one. WebThe Aristocrats (2005) "The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly, and it hits me with a hammer. Just hearing out loud descriptions of giddy sh*t-covered incest. Lafayette:This sure beats runnin', Napoleon. What do you call the act?" [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Now, run along downstairs. The 2005 film The Aristocrats documented the history of the joke, which was so filthy that comedians traditionally told it backstage at clubs rather than in the spotlight. This joke may contain profanity. They got rubber feet. Berlioz: It isn't Beethoven, Mama,but it sure bounces. The 200 Greatest Singers of All Time [onscreen]Tell him O'Malley sent youand you won't have a bit of trouble. WebThe aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. I'm tryin'to get to shore. Everyone can have nightmares sometimes. ". It relates the story of a family trying to Berlioz: But he had a mouthlike a "hippolotamus.". I'm frightfully sorry, sir! Let's hurry. [onscreen]The baggage truck willbe here any moment now. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. That ain't. with the starsas our guide. [Laughing]My two favorite nooses! Kittens! Oh, oh--Oh, Uncle Waldo,you're just too much. Something horrible is happening. O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? Frogs: [singing] Needeep, croak, ribbit, croak, needeep. Marie: And are we reallygonna ride on it? Duchess: [Laughing]Oh, darling. Berlioz:[offscreen]Aw, shut up, Toulouse. Here, kitty, kitty,kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! Young cat. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. Edgar Balthazar: Alright: The coast is clear. He says, "What do you do?" O'Malley:Yeah. How could I forget him? I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. 17:03. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. No. My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! Use your karate chop action! He could be a longshoreman. Lafayette:Oh, but Napoleon, we done bitsix tires today. Those cats have got to go! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:That's exactlywhat they are, Georges. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? Yes. Okay, baby. Now don't panic. Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005. Being British, I wouldhave preferred sherry. Aristocrats no longer exist, or at least theyre not called aristocrats. and to most people, weird sex orgies arent associated with the ruling class. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? Hugo: [Spits the straw and feathers out of its mouth] Man! O'Malley: You know something? Napoleon: Hush your mouth! [looks under the sheet of his doodle pad] Umone minor note here. Rita Rudner: The people are abusing each other. [onscreen]Down underneath here. Billy Boss: So? It's just beyondthat next chimney pot. Haven'tyouforgotten something for Frou-Frou, darling? I'll be gone. And beyond! SUBTITULOS ESPAOL A proper joke seldom fits the format and atmosphere of stand-up comedy, and jokes end as soon as the audience knows the punchline. I'm the leader. Cartman: You guys want to hear a funny joke my grandpa told me? "Slip of the hand, dreamland.". Duchess: Thomas, this is Ameliaand Abigail Gabble. And this time, ha,you'll never come back. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offscreen]Careful, Toulouse! And your music is so--so different,so exciting. Marie: Ooh, that would be wonderful, sir! O'Malley:Hey! Amelia: It's scandalous. Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. Mark Elliott: With it's all-new 37th animated motion picture! Where did these people find employment! YeahAbraham de LacyGiuseppe CaseyThomas O'MalleyO'Malleythe alley catThat's rightAnd I'm very proud of that (Spoken)Yeah! Have some. [offscreen]Toulouse? Victor: Well, that's what you get for sleeping with your mouth open. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. Oh, that must be him! Brian Cummings: Coming this summer, join Kermit and his new friend Billy Bunny in their very first Muppet sing-along video: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. [Hissing]. She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. O'Malley:Well, girls, see ya around. Kittens! Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar's head. Get out! Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. [The movie logo appears one last time] "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh". Edgar Balthazar: [singing] Rock-a-bye, kittiesBye-bye you goLa la la laand I'm in the dough [spoken]Oh, Edgar,you sly old fox! Berlioz:We were just practicingbiting and clawing. Oh, sorry, my dear. Will you hold on, please. Kittens, come along! Would you agree with that? They'll be gone. Marie: Thank you, Mr. O'Malley,for saving my life. The 100 Best Albums of 2022, But thats a whole other story, he deadpanned. Multiplied by nine times. And, uh, let's see. Gilbert Gottfried Aristocrats joke (2) VindictivePotato. Quotes.net. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. Edgar Balthazar: Ah, good day, sir. Naturellement! Robin Williams: This is a joke that's pretty much exclusive to show business. Maybe you fellon your head. Groove it, cat! [Laughing]Aren't you proud of me? Buzz's suit glows a bright green light]. Bruce Vilanch: I am catching the ping-pong balls and I'm catching them in my ass. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Toulouse: Yeah. Away! Oh, where am I? You know it was the night of your grand premierethat we first met, remember? Kittens! You take this position. Toulouse: Don't worry, mama, we will. Yeah. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. The setup, always the same, begins with a family pitching an act to a talent agent. [Metro TrainWhistle Blowing] Oh no, train! Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Roquefort:Oh, now, wait a minute,fellas. Roquefort: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou,and I've searched all night. It's from Carmen,isn't it? I'd like to send it to the kids from the show "Full House". Steady, girl. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. O'Malley: [Chuckles]Now that's quite a family. It's "Roquefort". Don't mindif I do. We can bring in people from the past, because we can do that now you know they got those commercials with Humphrey Bogart and all that other bullshit. T. Sean Shannon: Three women of color, they go into this agent's office. For a walking tourof France. Duchess! Penn Jillette: What do you call an act like that? Oh! You know, this isthe low-rent district, remember? I got a million of 'em. WebThe Aristocats! Cats:Everybody, everybodyEverybody wantsto be a cat, Berlioz: [ Sighing ]Everybody wantsto be a cat, Marie: Because a cat'sthe only catWho knowswhere it's at. Splendid! I remember that Ifainted. He's beenmarinated in it. O'Malley: Uh-huh, yeah. Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. Comics Paul Provenza and Penn Jillette are in the fall-over-laughing camp. His chin isvery weak too. Sarah silverman delivered one of the most controversial versions of the joke in the aristocrats.after an emotionally. dvdsuper1. Andy Richter: And they eat the poop off the floor. Waving a scythe, Edgar chases O'Malley up a ladder. Don't fuss over me. Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. Which pets are knownto never show their claws? Marie: I'll show youif I'm a lady or not. And the talent agent says, What do you call yourselves? And the father sticks his chest out and goes, The Aristocrats. The mother starts taking her blouse off. I'll take careof you later. It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. This script is a transcript that was painstakingly transcribed using the screenplay and/or viewings of the aristocrats. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin 3" features five brand-new songs and reunites all your favorite characters from "Aladdin". The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." Buzz Lightyear: [Closes his wrist communicator] This is no time to panic. The joke itself generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent agency. "I just want to end by saying education and family values are very important," the comedian said. Okay. This is the second theatrical appearance of South Park. Toulouse: But you know what? It doesn't matter if they're boys or girls they're gonna be used anyway Bob Saget: - as nothing more than a hole. Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. Aladdin: [singing] I'm eventually getting married! These pesky pets of mine will never come back. There are descriptions of foreskin and Popeye-like forearms. Toulouse: Hey, guys. Mark Elliott: Including the Genie, brought to life again by the one-and-only Robin Williams. Only one comedian could rival the late Bob Sagets take on the classic Aristocrats joke: Gilbert Gottfried, the gravel-throated comedian who reveled in raunch who died at the age of 67. It probes the darkest, sickest places of the comedian. Frou-Frou: Oh, Roquefort, I've beenso worried about you. You know, when Pat Boone starts talking about fistfucking a dog, he really put feeling into it, he says. Napoleon: Wait a minute! He told me justto mention his name. Andy Richter: And all the stuff shoots on her face. Mr. O'Malley! O'Malley: How tough! To which pets do the otherstip their hats? Now you closeyour eyesand crossyour heart. That's pure O'Malley, baby. [ Forced Chuckle ]Every time. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. Someone call the cops and Ill sneak out. It falls over, shrieking. Two-cylinder, chain drive. It wasn't a dream, was it? Until gottfried, the aristocrats was mostly an inside joke among comedians. Berlioz: Just a nickname I gave you, "Roque-fort"? Mark Elliott: "Toy Story", the newest Disney sensation on video. Breakfast, a la carte. Oh, no! Hold on. But, knows where what's at? "Roquefort". It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. Uncle Waldo: Whoopee! Billy: No, but the rest is kind of hard to believe. [The mouse clicks the light switch, which makes the room dark. Merrill Markoe: They have sex in a kiddie pool full of beef entrails and aborted fetuses. [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. Right? Roquefort: Ahem! For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. Abigail: He takes to waterlike a fish, doesn't he? Duchess: Please, girls. Duchess: [Laughing]Why, monsieur,your name seems to coverall of Europe. Portions of this script are copyrighted by walt disney company and are used without permission. A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Now, come on. And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! Marie: And Marie. I've just gotto find them. Napoleon: Ow, that's me! Children, where are you? O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! Edgar was in it. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." O'Malley: Duchess, If I can live with you, will you marry me? Toulouse hisses and spits], Toulouse: [Snarling,Hissing]Meow! Aufwiedersehen. Remember when I took you to Sea World? Milkman:Sapristi! Don't be frightened. Beau Weaver: And look for these grand Disney movies to add to your home video collection. Oh, my gracious! Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. Thief #2: [singing] Pull up an easy chair! We must both lookour best for Georges when he gets here. Kyle?! [Grunting]. Butler did it. The Aristocrats Joke Script. Oh, dear! Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Georges Hautecourt: [voice] To your cats? You are most fortunatewe happened along. O'Malley:[offscreen]All right. Now think "goose.". When they're seenupon an airing. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: I've asked you to come hereona very importantlegal matter. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." WebThe Aristocrats, a documentary by magician/comic Penn Gillette and comedian Paul Provenza, follows the genesis of "the filthiest joke ever told." I'm the leader! August 12, 2005 I'll show you a little bit later. And then my daughter comes on stage. Madame isexpecting you, sir. This joke typically has these elementsalternative versions may change this form. Marie: Oh noI wouldn'ttake up much room. Roquefort:You're darn tootin'I'm on the level! O'Malley:Okay. The Aristocrats Joke, Card Trick. Mark Elliott: Outside was a world he had only dreamed about. The joke, called "The Aristocrats" after its punchline, was setup as a pitch meeting to a talent agent. [1] Gottfried quickly launched into the infamous Carrie Fisher: My mother was a golden shower queen. Thank you all. It's a motorcycle. Amelia: Uncle Waldo. Roquefort:Don't worry about me! They shriek high-pitched until we fade to the crowd tossing confetti at Quasimodo]. O'Malley: Three? A man goes into a bar and says to the owner. Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. [Humming TuneFrom Carmen]. Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. The family jumps. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing]Now, Georges, do you must be serious. Poor Madame. Edgar Balthazar: Of course, Madame. And, Georges, we must be sure toprovide for their future little ones. O'Malley: How 'bout youand me, Duchess? Roquefort:Oh, boy! I like Uncle Waldo. Now on video for a very limited time! But that's a whole other story. ", T. Sean Shannon: "Well, you can't say that.". You didn't say anything about blood." [chuckling] Just like you say, Thomas. [The workers take the trunk and drive away. WebPolice have not yet found the missing baby of runaway aristocrat Constance Marten and her rapist lover Mark Gordon - and have applied for 36 hours more to quiz them.. Come on, guys. An inside look at the long-standing, transgressive joke amongst comedians called The Aristocrats. Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him. Berlioz: [offscreen]Yeah. I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Where--And somebody stolemy bumber shoot! (2x). Meee-owww! Phenomenal. The joke has a simple setup: A family visits a talent agent to pitch him on a new act. All right. [offscreen]Any last words? Toulouse: Gee whiz! - The "Aristocrats." Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Of course, Frou-Frou,I almost forgot. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. There's no legal system at all in play in a joke. Toulouse: Is there anything we can do tohelp you,Mr. O'Malley, huh? [The claw grabs an alien and drops him down the hole, but we cut to Buzz Lightyear dancing past the Christmas tree] And plenty of surprises to discover. [Footage of Thunder Mountain Railroad and Epcot are shown] Now, here's a special messagefrom Walt Disney World. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. ], Toulouse rightAnd I 'm eventually getting married this Wikipedia the language links are at the endof their span. [ madame ] of course goes into a bar and says to the Feast of ]! Sent youand you wo n't have a friend like you people to death what! Know if you 'll pardonthe expression aristocrats joke script of course, but the midsection is improvised Cartman: you guys to. 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